Milestones
by Dragon Elexus
Summary: The Gems are baby-sitting little Steven, and are absolutely determined to take the best care of them that they can. Also, to be the first to teach him to say their names. No competition, of course.


**Milestones**

Being a single father was not easy.

Greg had just purchased the car wash for what was, quite frankly, an incredibly cheap price— but that cheapness was for a reason. It was in terrible shape. It had required a lot of elbow grease to get into working order, to say nothing about all the behind-the-scenes elements necessary for getting a business up and running. Now it was finally the day of the grand opening, and he felt both relieved and amazed that he'd ever gotten that far.

There was only one thing. He couldn't have Steven with him.

Not for today, at least. Greg wanted all his attention focused on the wash, on making everything go smoothly. He wanted to show all the citizens and visitors of Beach City that he was responsible and respectable, and that was very hard to do when you were checking on the baby every five minutes to make sure he hadn't choked, or to try and decipher why he was crying.

Thankfully, he knew three baby sitters who'd work for free.

Unfortunately, they were aliens.

"You're _sure_ you guys are okay with this?" he asked, as he put down the bags filled with a day's supply of diapers, baby food, milk bottles and toys.

"We'll be fine, man, don't worry," said Amethyst, who was only half-paying attention as she turned her head into various animals for Steven's enjoyment.

"And there's not gonna be like— any monster attacks or anything?" he asked.

"No," said Garnet, firmly.

Greg took a deep breath. He could trust that, at least.

He could definitely trust the Gems with magic related stuff. Domestic stuff, though? That was another matter entirely.

(As if to prove his point, Amethyst turned into a giant panther and roared. Steven giggled.)

"Honestly, Greg," said Pearl, who had begun unpacking the supplies. "Steven's two years old now. We've been watching you care for him the entire time. We're perfectly capable."

Yeah. Yeah. It would be fine. He was just being a paranoid parent. The Gems knew all about how to hold him, what and when to feed him, about naptimes and tantrums and it would be _fine_. And he had to go; he wanted the carwash open 7:30, sharp, and it was already 7:15.

So he thanked the Gems one last time, gave Steven a kiss on the cheek, and ran off.

The three Crystal Gems stared down at the baby, gurgling happily in his stroller.

There was a short, awkward, silence. Then Amethyst turned her head into a toucan's, and Steven clapped appreciatively.

And honestly, it was going very well. Feeding had gone smoothly, as had burping. Now they'd let Steven out, and he was busy crawling all across the Temple floor. One day they'd have to build a proper human house there— but for now, little Steven seemed to have no issue with the bare stone. As he wandered around, inspecting various crystals, prodding at his blocks and stuffed animals, he made noises. Not crying or laughter, but random syllables strung together. Baby babble; his first attempts at real speech.

Amethyst was the first to try and take advantage of this. She lay down in front of him, looking him right in the eyes, and said: "Amethyst. Come on, nice and slow. _A-me-thyst._ "

Pearl rolled her eyes. "Your name's too long, Amethyst, there's no way he'll be able to-"

"Have some faith, Pearl," said Garnet.

"Yeah, P. Geez."

"But he's gonna say Garnet first."

Amethyst sat up."Wait, really? Darn. Stupid Future Vision."

"I don't need Future Vision to know." Garnet's voice oozed with smug certainty.

Amethyst put her hands on her hips. "Oh, really? Well-"

Just then, Steven giggled and said, "P!"

Everyone froze. Looked down at him.

Pearl's eyes were wide. "Did he just say…?"

Steven reached up to her, trying to grab at her long nose (even though it was desperately out of reach), and again said, "P!"

"He said my name!"

"Your nickname," corrects Garnet, who was Definitely Not Disappointed.

"Still," said Pearl. Her eyes were shining bright. Pride seeped through ever pore of her body. She bent down to scoop the toddler up.

"He used _my_ nickname for you!" says Amethyst, because she was _definitely_ disappointed that he hadn't learned her name first, but still. She wanted her involvement in this to be perfectly clear.

"P! P! P!" Steven began chanting. Even Garnet and Amethyst couldn't ignore just the sheer… cuteness of it. Pearl held him to her chest, doting and fussing, a proud mother hen, and then…

… something wet, and the vile smell of ammonia. Pearl's expression of parental joy crept into one of disgust. She slowly held Steven out, as far as she could, staring morbidly at his white diapers. Was she imagining it, or was it stained yellow…?

"I can't-" Amethyst wheezed, "He was saying _pee_! Not your name, Pearl- Pee! Like urine, get it?"

"I get it," said Pearl, voice tight. "Could. Someone- please-"

Still laughing, Amethyst took the baby from Pearl's outstretched hand. Pearl shivered once he was gone— human disgusting is just so— _ugh_. Amethyst set to work finding the diapers, while Garnet stood straight-faced in the corner, trying not to look like she was desperately hiding a smile.

Incidentally, three weeks later Steven did say "Crwstal Gems!", which pleased all of them.

oOo

 **Author's Note:** This is a concept that I had drifting off to sleep one night, changed into a Tumblr post, and then edited into a proper one-shot.

ALSO CAN YOU BELIEVE THE NEW EPISODE SCHEDULE WE'RE GONNA DIE


End file.
